Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
