I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
