is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
