WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
