he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
