I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
