is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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