We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize