so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
