piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
