How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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