State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The power of my boobs compel you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
