non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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