Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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