The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
