You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize