Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
