Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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