You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
