You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
