she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
