chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
