my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
