I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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