This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
