U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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