I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
