The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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