Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
