she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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