she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize