Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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