So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
