I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
