naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
