I just saw a hot homeless man
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
