The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
