At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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