he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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