I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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