i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
