and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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