please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
