My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
