I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
40s are totally the cure
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize