i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
