If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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