My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
