I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
