so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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