So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
