My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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