Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
