im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
