I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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