forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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