I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize