So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
