I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she smelled like a LAN party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
