I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
