I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
