I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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