You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize