you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
