I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
