I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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