Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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