After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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