So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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