the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
