Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
