I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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