I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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