Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
