I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
