So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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