can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
