So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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