Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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