Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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