are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
