do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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