everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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