this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
