There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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