Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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