Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

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(214): View more from Texas

A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention

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(253): View more from Washington

Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.

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