One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
