this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
