bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
