so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize