I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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