so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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