I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
