If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
