My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
