My friends, they love my intelligence
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
