Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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