Don't make out with my wife yet
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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