I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
