I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In America we eat man semen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
