This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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