My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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