Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
